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Concept: That scene in every 90s high school movie where someone shows the new kid around the cafeteria (”that table is the nerds, those are the jocks, the goths, the cheerleeders” etc) except it’s a medieval tavern and each table has a different d&d class.

Those are the arcane casters. They all sit together, but the wizards think the sorcerers are undisciplined cheaters and the sorcerers think the wizards are pretentious dicks. You don’t wanna get in the middle of that–the last person who tried got polymorphed into a toad. I guess he had a lot of debts he was looking to get out of, though, so he just rolled with it. He’s somebody’s familiar now, I think.

The bards used to sit with them, but they broke off a while ago to do their own thing. Look, I should tell you right now: you’re poetically gonna sleep with at least one of them. It’s happened to most of us, so don’t be embarrassed. If you’re lucky, you might get away with just a ballad to your beauty parodying an 80s rock hit.

The paladins are at the next table over. Religious freaks, but if you’re getting bullied they’ll have your back even if they don’t know you. You, uh…you might end up sleeping with some of them, too. Look, they’re really good listeners, okay? Whatever.

The druids. Don’t even THINK of trying to sit with them unless you’re rocking a negative carbon footprint. Or if you can turn into a bear or a slow loris or something, they love that shit.

The rogues are…they’re around here somewhere.

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